i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
