when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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