Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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