i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
