I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
