just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
