My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
