if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
