I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
