I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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