I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
