After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
