I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
