just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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