so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
