Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
