i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
