just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
