Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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