No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
