i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
