Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
