y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
