hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
