I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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