WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
