Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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