If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
