Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
