all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
