the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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