Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
