how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
