then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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