Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
