That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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