I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
