Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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