porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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