What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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