My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
