I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
