I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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