to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
