if i died would you start the facebook group?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
