I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
