she woke up with a sticky ear
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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