he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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