i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
