She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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