There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Still dying that you shit outside
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
