I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
